There’s a difference between ‘playing it cool’, and behaving in a cool and collected manner in relationships. 

If you have an anxious/insecure/preoccupied attachment style (so many of us do!), you may have adopted an attitude of “play it cool” or aloofness in relationships, or defer to your partner’s wishes or desires first, which really comes out as minimizing or repressing your emotions or true desires and needs because of a fear of chasing away your partner or potential mate....

During a time of an extremely painful loss of love, I noticed that within all of the raging, the pain and anger, I had a moment of acceptance. Suddenly all of the anger, resentment, despair, self-hate and revenge-lust lifted....