Weekly bites on love, romance, limerence, breaking up and keeping it all together.
Limerence can quietly and then not so quietly unseat you at your heart, your soul, until you have found yourself in mid-air, like a skier learning to do new tricks, but then unsure of which way is up, or down. It can be exhilarating. Terrifying. Mind-bending, confusing, transformative. It can last for months or years. You might be searching for why it’s happening to you, how long it will last, or how to get rid of it!
Read MoreLove just out of reach. Hoping, wishing for more. Hanging on.
The pain of basic relationship needs not met.
Maybe you’ve never been in a relationship where you felt truly fulfilled or loved. Or drawn over and over to the just out of reach partner. The pain of longing can create a sort of intensity. A bittersweet passion. It can also make love without longing feel bland or missing “something.”
Have you ever felt this way? Maybe you didn’t do the chasing, you were pursued without ambiguity and it just felt off. Boring. No SPARK?
Maybe the more attractive option was the quiet, stormy, brooding guy just out of range who would barely even give you the time of day?
You have a tendency to be anxious in love and dating; you worry a lot about your relationship, feel constantly anxious if the person you are with feels the same way. There is a deep concern that you will be rejected and you worry you will do something “wrong” to turn your date or partner off or make them disconnect or leave, and you may feel on edge all of the time and hypervigilant to any changes in your partner’s engagement or level of interest. And if you are with someone AVOIDANT, all of these feelings will get MAGNIFIED.
Read MoreWhen a significant attachment is severed, comfort is required. Sure, pets, even your kids can help. But nothing can really fill in that gap of the closeness required other than another human we are specially bonded to. This is why it is so hard to stay away from someone you love when you are hurting, why you want to go back to the person who broke your heart, and why trying to follow the advice of being alone after a break up seldom works.
Read MoreLimerence is an intense emotional state and experience of being “in love.” It may start out as a “crush” or “infatuation” but can move into an intense all-consuming state either over time or very quickly. Unlike mutual love, limerence can be a distressing one-sided affair of the heart, body and soul. You may not realize what is happening until you are up late googling “obsessive love” because of intrusive, involuntary thoughts and fantasies involving your love interest.
… and find the term you never heard of called… Limerence.
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Copyright © Steph Lazzara // Coaching - Brooklyn, NY
